Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think people are normalizing furries
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
