I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
