After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
