if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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