quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
