I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
