Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
