help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
