i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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