Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
