Ambien. No doubt about it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
