what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
