just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
