i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
