i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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