It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
