Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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