Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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