I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
