hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
