I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
