he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
