I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
