Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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