You can't motorboat a personality
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
