We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
