did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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