I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
