pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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