I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
