you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
