You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
