I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
