If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
