so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
