If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
