Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
