I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
