"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
