who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
