she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
