Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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