it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
