if only i could text you this smell
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
