No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
