Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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