My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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