Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
is it fun? or sober?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
