I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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