all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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